"We are fools for Christ's sake..." ~ 1 Cor. 4:1.
Yeah, I'll say (waving hand). Tony and I are really feeling this way lately.
This morning we both woke up at 5am, eyes wide open, feeling anxious, the first thought to come to mind being, "What are we CRAZY!?!"
We are feeling really crazy, and even foolish these days. I mean, who picks up and takes off half way across the world at 40 and with three kids? For Christ?
That's just religious lunacy. Foolishness.
But then I read this (the small things that encourage):
If we are afraid to be different from the world, how can we make a difference in the world? ~Rev. John I. Jenkins
Humph. And Sigh. I wish this were easier. It's not easy.
Yesterday both Tony and I were having serious misgivings about this whole missions move thing. Tony has been talking on the phone all week with friends and connections in Argentina. Things are bad there. Rough. Hard. Difficult. Expensive. Uncertain. Dangerous. Argentina has a history of that.
All the anxiety and uncertainty has pushed us to read God's Word more and pray hard. Harder than we usually do. We feel like we're about to jump off the side of the pool into the deep end and we're just babies who can't swim. Do we trust God to catch us? When is it trusting and when is it foolishness?
We'd really just rather stand on the edge and talk about jumping. That's safer. No risk there! I could yap my big missions mouth and not actually do anything. And if that didn't make me a big, fat hypocrite, I would. And call it "encouraging others to missions".
In talking about it, both Tony and I agree that if it were just us, we'd go. If we didn't have kids, we'd have left already. It is SO different when you have kids. SO, SO different when you have kids. We don't worry about ourselves in this, we're adults and can handle it, we worry about them. We don't want to ruin their lives. We don't want to make a mistake that takes years, or a lifetime, to recover from.
Now we get it. Now we understand why not many go. Or why there aren't more missionaries. It's HARD. Super duper serious HARD. I almost think missions is for the young. Do it while you have nothing to lose and still don't fear anything. Or have mouths to feed and protect and educate.
(sigh ~ again)
Well, on a brighter note. There is good news. Tony called up an old friend from his previous life as a television cameraman in Argentina. His friend said he would talk to some people for him about a job. And he did. He really did. Turns out he is the president of the Television Union of all Argentina. I didn't know that. I knew he had some pull, but I did't realize how much. So Chavo (that's his name, well, nickname) had a meeting this week with all his guys from all the TV stations from all the provinces from all over Argentina. He talked to his guys from the city we are looking to move to; they are not hiring right now, but expect to be in maybe a month or so (Latin time). He said when they do start taking people he's going to (how do I translate what he said?) "bust some body parts" for Tony.
Which basically means that he may just have a job. Because if the president of the national union asks you to hire someone, how do you say no? Well, you wouldn't. If you're in Argentina, that is.
This scares me. So does that mean we have leave?? (yikes)
But, truth be told, we have no idea if it will happen. Everything is so uncertain right now. Tony could get a phone call in a month saying, "You have a job, come on down" - or nothing could happen. He may never find a job. And we stay here. And that's that.
So we press on, not knowing what tomorrow brings. The only thing that has helped us lately to be strong, believe it or not, is Japan. Japan, one of the strongest most technologically advanced societies in the world - thousands of "secure" and "safe" lives wiped out in minutes. And many thousands upon thousands more affected deeply and irrevocably by unforeseeable and unpreventable disaster. Life is so uncertain.
Living here in the "safe" and "prosperous" United States is really no more safe and prosperous than God allows it to be. Our whole lives could be wiped out in a second, without warning - like in Japan. That is one of the few things that has continued to encourage and push us to not give up. That going may just be good. May just be God's will. May even be okay. That the risk is worth it. Christ is worth it. We are not guaranteed tomorrow anyway, so we are just leaving an illusion of future security. Everybody knows this country isn't what it used to be. What do we have to lose when we could lose it all in a second anyway? Just yesterday I heard another story of someone who lost it all. She lost her entire business of 20 years almost overnight. So much for a secure future. She's ruined. At 50.
Could it be God's will to be so foolish and go? Could it be? Really?? I don't know. But I know what my Bible says,
"...the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men." ~ 1 Cor. 1:25