Quotes from Shadow of the Almighty

I finally snagged my own copy of Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot by Elisabeth Elliot.

Written by Jim Elliot's wife, Elisabeth, it also contains many writings by Jim - excerpts from his letters and journals, etc. I love the way both of the Elliots write. My copy has many markings and underlines already!


Here are just a few:

"Missionaries are very human folks, just doing what they are asked. Simply a bunch of nobodies trying to exalt Somebody."

"Walk as if the next step would carry you across the threshold of Heaven."

"I cannot hope to be absolutely honest in what is herein recorded, for the hypocrisy will ever be putting on a front and dares not write what is actually found in its abysmal depths." ~on his notebook journalings

"Guidance for Israel in their wanderings was unquestionable (Numbers 9). There could be no doubt if God wished them to move. Shall my Father be less definite with me? I cannot believe so. Often I doubt, for I cannot see, but surely the Spirit will lead as definitely as the pillar of cloud. I must be as willing to remain as to go, for the presence of God determines the whereabouts of His people."

"'He hath led me, and brought me into darkness, and not into light.' Because I cannot see, nor even assuredly feel, His satisfaction with me, I cannot doubt the leading simply because of the dark. The leading is nonetheless real, the pathway has simply been into a place I didn't expect or ask for."

"Our young men are going into the professional fields because they don't 'feel called' to the mission field. We don't need a call; we need a kick in the pants."

"Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me."

"Yesterday I prayed that God would take me to Peru or Brazil before I pass another October 8. I know inside that the flesh would like more training - and perhaps I'm fitted to train more - everybody seems to be planning on it around here [at Wheaton]. But those generations passing away at this moment! They must hear of the Savior! How can we wait? O Lord of Harvest, do send forth laborers! Here I am, Lord. Behold me, send me."

"Mustard seed is rare stuff today."

FREE: My Favorite Word

I am cheap and proud of it. That's right. And I am not ashamed. Tightwaddery is an artform in my book.

We have successfully furnished most of our house with trash pickings, yard sale finds, and furniture that has been gifted to us. I look around and am continually thankful to God and reminded of His provision and over-the-top generosity. It's almost embarassing.

When we moved back to the States from Argentina on 9/11 (yes, that one), we had the clothes on our backs. We kept our underwear in a cardboard box for 6 months until we could afford a piece of furniture. During that time I discovered the humble art of Trash Picking. Add an occassional yard sale, some sandpaper, some paint, a little wood finish and ~ voilá. New furniture.

Here are some examples:

bench + shoe bins underneath (destined for trash at work, picked)
old school desk (dilapidated gift - sanded, painted, and restained by the boys)

  Oriental rug and plant/vase stand (destined for the trash at work,
we had to rescue the poor things)

 42" flatscreen TV (FREE) and table (headed for work trash, gifted to us)

(This is actually the 2nd flatscreen we were given - Tony gave the first one away. When the guy who gave it to us found out, he said, "Oh! I have another one for you!". This is a true story.)
DVD player (won at a Firehouse luncheon :))

chaise lounge (work trash, snagged by Tony)
unfinished end table (gifted, stained and painted by me)
lamp (free with other stuff, long and amazing story - no room here)

 antique phonograph
 (gifted to sell at our Yard Sale - still  for sale!)

 firstborn's bed (destined for work trash - salvaged, coveted by me)
$7 comforter find at Marshall's

  bookshelf (trash picked and painted to match dresser)

bureau, $5 yard sale find
(originally in sad shape, but sanded and painted by me)

 white dresser (gifted, currently needing some knobs and handles)

all clothes and baskets (also gifted) -

including the clothes I am wearing (and most of the clothes I wear...)

table, booster, VCR/DVD player (gifted from various places)

dresser (destined for work trash, snagged)

computer armoire and TV armoire (gifts from friends)

$1000 worth of The Learning Company DVD courses

(landed at our door by accident - I called the company

 and they said we could keep them)

It is important to note that we didn't get stuff given to us like this when we were not believers. We were, like the world, trying to do and get by our own strength. Now, as children of God, He gives us everything, it seems, for free. He owns it all and has shown us over and over and over again across the years that He not only provides what we need, He gives over and above what we need. He gives in abundance.

I wrote this post not only to encourage others - that God is GOOD and that He can be trusted - but I wrote this post for me, too. So I can look at it, and read it, and be encouraged some hard day down the road when I am tempted to doubt that He, who is calling us to go, will not also provide. He will.

His Name is Faithful and True.

Why I Homeschool Part II & the Myth of Me Time

I posted this video several months ago as one of the many reasons I homeschool. But that's just one reason - there are so, so many reasons we have chosen to homeschool.

Recently someone expressed their concern to me that I don't get any "me" time. And maybe that's why I get migraines? Because I am overwhelmed and stressed out... perhaps??

So I was confronted again by the question, "Why DO I homeschool?". Wouldn't life be so much easier if I just put them in school and let someone else do it?

When I strip away all the many reasons we homeschool, I find myself with only one answer: God called me to do this. I know He did. And until He calls me to not do it, or to do something else, this is what we're doing.

When you know God is calling you to something, that silences all the other voices and leaves no argument. Even people who love you and want the best for you (ie., more "Me" time), perhaps even other Christians, won't always agree or fully support you. And that's okay. God is not, after all, calling them. He's calling you.

So, that is why I homeschool. God called me to do it a half dozen years ago. And He called me to do it because I knew He was also calling us to be missionaries, and I could not shirk the conviction that someday I would maybe need to know how to do it.

Would I love more "Me Time"? Yes. Would I love more "rest"? Yes. Is it okay for Mom to go out alone or  away for a night or a few days? Of course.

I think for me it's just being happy with my lot and not falling into believing the "Me Time" myth. To me, "Me Time" ceased to exist once that first little baby was born. I was not even a Christian then, so this is not a Christian argument I'm making, it's just the reality of parenthood. When that first baby is born, "Me Time" is a lie we just need to put away and stop believing. Not that you can't get a break or some rest here and there when needed, but now it is not all about YOU. It's about the child who did not ask to come into this world and NEEDS tons of time, energy, love, feeding, clothing, bathing, attention, affection; and later, conversation, education, relationship, friendships, respect, understanding, sensitivity, compassion, grace and a million other things. I guess I just don't believe it's all about ME anymore.

What's more, when I gave my life to Christ, I died. Galatians 2:20 tells me so,

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

Chris died. The old Chris is dead. Chris no longer lives. Christ lives in me. This life I live is not my own, but Christ living through me, willing in me to do of his good pleasure. Bringing about His will here on earth through me, as it is in heaven. As I yield to His will and obey, his kingdom comes, His will is done. And I'm not just talking about homeschooling. It could be anything. This is what I believe. Can I expect to see His kingdom and His glory if He has spoken to me on an issue and I choose not to obey, saying, "Oh well, He is sovereign. God will work it out anyway."?

Will we ever put them in school? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. I do know that one day, when they are ready, when they have labored and served alongside us, when the ship is built strong, after years in the safety of the harbor, they will be sent out. I don't know if they will be 7 or 12 or 17. But storms will come, they will be tossed about, the waves may get high and unrelenting. Our hope is that the ship is well built, fortified, attention to detail over the years having served to strengthen its frame so the ship does not completely come apart in the storm. That's life. I would never think to send an unfinished ship out into the hostile ocean alone. That is what public school is to me. Hostile. And we can't be there guiding them, helping them, supporting them. Kids are killing themselves today in that environment.

Yes, some kids do fine in school. There are success stories. But statistically, 70-80% of public schooled children from Christian homes walk away from their faith by the time they are 20. Why would I want to take that kind of a chance with the most precious things given to me in this life, my kids? What good is it to gain the "whole world" but lose their little souls? So my house is not perfectly clean, so what? So I haven't had lunch with a friend in years. So? So I have to get up at 5am if I want to go to the gym. Is that what I would get if I sent them off? A perfectly clean house, lunch with a friend, and a relaxed time at the gym all day? Yay, me.

And so here we are. Off to a place where there are probably no schools in English, quite possibly no Christian schools, and the public school option is not any more appealing there than it is to me here.

God knows what He's doing, He knows the plans He has for us, and if we simply trust and follow, He gives us the grace to do it. It's not easy, no one said it would be. Jesus never said it would be. I believe he said, "there will be trouble". Sometimes it's easy, but sometimes it's not. Being a Christian is hard. Going against the flow is hard. Swimming upstream when everyone else is swimming down is work. It's a supernatural thing to follow Christ, and we are empowered from on high to do it.

I LOVE that my 10 year old son thinks it's fun to sing "Ring Around the Rosey" with his 7 and 1 yo old sisters, as they hold hands and dance in a circle. He has no idea that this is "not cool".

I LOVE to see my son fall all over himself to fill Mom-mom's bird feeders because she can't, because she just had surgery on her hand. I love that we can do this in the middle of a weekday because he is NOT in  school.

I LOVE that we can take off when someone is sick, or it's their birthday, or something comes up. I love that I don't have to ask anyone's permission or sign any slips.

I LOVE that I can come across my 7 year old curled up with a copy of Pride and Prejudice on the sofa and I didn't make her do it.

I LOVE that my son can argue Creation versus Evolution better than I can, and give facts to support his argument, while blowing the rest of us out of the water with big words like Struthiomimus, Dienotherium, and Indrichotherium.

I LOVE that my kids reach for a book before they reach for breakfast.

I LOVE that I don't have to rush them out the door before 9am and they can leisurely enjoy a homemade (well, okay, maybe not always:) breakfast.

I LOVE that they are not coming home and asking me what (insert any number of bad words here) mean. I love that their "innocence" can linger for a bit longer in a corrupt world, that truth and goodness can sink way down deep and become a part of them before they are asked to defend something they may not yet fully believe or understand.

I LOVE that we can take off on a field trip for an entire day, or a mission trip for weeks, and call it school. Because it is.

I LOVE that "socialization" is not confined to a class of 25-30 other kids their own age, but means anything from playing with babies to visiting old people at nursing homes, and everything in between.

I LOVE that we are going to read Shakespeare while still in "elementary school". Because we can.

I LOVE that we can go off to Patagonia for a few years (or more) to do missions and not have to worry about their education. We just take it with them.

I love so many things about homeschooling and I'm so thankful that I can do it. It's what we are called to do. The academics are great and yes, I do think that for my kids it's a better education than public or even private school - but most importantly, it's what he LORD is calling us to do and I am happiest doing His will. It is always best. I would never tell someone they NEED to do what we do, but I would encourage anyone to try it. It really is tons of fun.

I don't know if we could ever go back!

:)

Homeschooling vs. Not Homeschooling

This video made me laugh. It's made by a homeschooling mom of 9, and is pretty much verbatim the questions people ask me, and the answers I typically give, when someone finds out we, too, homeschool.

Click on over HERE to view. It's so funny.

:)

My New Hero

I am adding Wess Stafford, President and CEO of Compassion International, to my ever-growing list of heroes. This excerpt of an article sums up why:


"A humble leader

Stafford and his wife, Donna, live a quiet, frugal life on a 35-acre ranch in Black Forest, where he likes nothing more than to mend fences, dig drainage ditches and perform other outdoor duties — a respite from the long hours and frequent travel he puts in for Compassion.
The couple own one car, a 1995 Subaru with 180,000 miles, and a 25-year-old Honda motorcycle. A large chunk of Stafford’s salary — listed by Charity Navigator as $206,673 in 2008 — is given away, Donna said. Some of the money goes toward the eight children the Staffords sponsor. Some goes to other programs within Compassion, and some goes to other missionaries and nonprofit groups, she said.
While in the field in remote villages, Stafford blends in with other Compassion workers, said Mark Hanlon, senior vice president of Compassion International USA, the marketing and fundraising arm of the organization.
“He likes to see how long he can mingle with people before they realize he is president and CEO of Compassion,” Hanlon said. “He is very down to earth.”
But beneath the friendly and engaging exterior, Stafford has a broken heart. “I am never more than 10 seconds away from tears,” he said.


Learning forgiveness
The heartache began thousands of miles away from his birthplace, Chicago.
From age 6 to 15 he lived in Nielle, a sweltering shanty town in the Ivory Coast of Africa where his parents were missionaries. There, he lived among families enduring brutal poverty, an experience that helped foster his lifelong commitment to help needy children.
But something else he rarely speaks of also informed his passion: For nine months of the year in Africa, Stafford attended a Christian boarding school where he was verbally, physical and sexually abused.
Two years after the family left Africa and returned to the U.S., Stafford — a confused teenager with low self-esteem and deep emotional pain — attended a Christian event in Colorado. He listened to a pastor talk about forgiveness, and chose to forgive those who abused him. After that, his life began to change, though to this day Stafford sometimes wells up when talking about his past.
Stafford went on to earn communications degrees from three Christian institutions, including Moody Bible Institute, and a doctorate in education from Michigan State University.
He joined Compassion in 1977 as a relief worker in Haiti. Two years later, he married Donna and soon after started a family, raising two daughters. In 1993, at age 44, he became president and CEO of Compassion.
“He’s legit,” said Mark Yeadon, senior vice president of Compassion’s international program. ““He is one of those wounded heroes that God is using, and it’s bearing fruit.”
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Read the whole article here.
Listen to his own personal testimony of child abuse here (click on Why Children Matter, then Radio Special: Silencing the Lambs)

Yard Sale Success

The Yard Sale was a great success, although it started out BAD. Migraine bad. Even Tony had a headache. Very unusual for him... we are really feeling the spiritual battle right now. But that's another post.

Since the new migraine meds are really strong, I just took a quarter of one and got to work. Desperate prayer, the cold air, and that little magical pill knocked the migraine right out. In an hour I was 100%. I couldn't believe it. That has never happenned before. The LORD is my helper. 

It was a blessed day in many ways. Several friends also stopped by to visit and chat. It was SO nice. I believe it was THE most uninterrupted conversation with adults I have had in the last two years since baby was born. It was GLORIOUS. So blessed while Tony watched the kids. He came out from time to time, it seemed exactly when someone who spoke Spanish would show up. They'd chat, and he'd hand them some tracts in Spanish and/or a Bible to take with their purchase. He is amazing that way. I just love to watch him. A friend also brought me lunch and we were actually able to sit outside in the sun and eat together and TALK sans les enfants. No, I do not think I will have empty nest syndrome - that was much too enjoyable. :)

We brought in a grand total of $203.30 - twice as much as we were hoping for. Enough for Baby's passport and two or three nights in a hotel. Not bad for a blustery Fall day's work. Well worth the effort. Will definately be doing this again in the Spring!

:)

Christian Rap

I've been hearing the name "Lecrae" a lot lately - mostly from the young whipper snappers at church (not to date myself or anything...).

I'm not a Rap fan myself per se, but I LOVED this.

Lecrae rocks it. See for yourself:




:)

What do you call someone from Argentina?

• Argentine
• Argentinian -or-
• Argentinean

All are acceptable.

I say (and write) "Argentinian" - I have no idea why. But blogs, and others things lately I have been reading, frequently use "Argentine" or "Argentinean". But all, in fact, are correct. It's a matter of preference, I suppose.

And for all you Spanish speakers, someone from Argentina is called an:

• argentino -or-
• argentina

...depending on if you are talking about a male or female. Not capitalized in español. They have their own rules for capitalizing people, places, and things, sabes?

I know you were dying to know that. Glad I cleared that up, aren't you?

:)

Ray Comfort is THE MAN

Ray Comfort with the atheists... he is just GOOD.





:)

Phrase of the Day

A personal favorite...

más feliz que un perro con dos colas = happier than a dog with two tails


I particularly like this one. If you don't get it (I didn't) welcome to the dense club. After giving the hubs a blank stare the first time he pulled this one out, I asked for an explanation.

I got the "you-are-so-dense-light-can-not-escape-you" look.

:)

What Would Jesus Do...

"When someone asks you 'What would Jesus do?' remember, a valid option is to freak out and turn over tables." ~unknown

 

 

Mission Yard Sale, Saturday 10/16* 8am-3pm+

FIRST, thanks for stopping by!

SECOND, we are postponing our Mission Fundraiser Meal until January or so.
In lieu of the Fundraiser Meal, we've decided to have a quick YARD SALE to start getting rid of our stuff, and to begin to raise funds for a mini-mission/exploratory trip to Argentina next year.

THIRD, here's a...

LIST OF STUFF TO BE SOLD:

• TVs (one big, two small)
• Flatscreen computer monitor
• 2 Car Speakers (MTR Terminator 8.5" with sub-woofers)
• Antique Columbia Grafonola phonograph with 12" records 
• Girl's clothes and shoes (ridiculous amounts of 0-2T, good to very good condition, all seasons)
• Boy's clothes (size 4/5-12, all seasons)
• Men's clothing (large)
• Women's clothing
• Crib
• Diaper Genie
• Baby items (sound machine, blankets, toys)
• Books
• Videos/DVDs
• Compter stuff (keyboards, cables, Game CDs)
• Music CDs & entire Blues Music CD Collection (60+, most new, never been opened)
• Toys (Infant & Toddler, boardgames, cards)
• Thomas the Tank Engine Train Table
• Folding Cot (barely used, very comfortable)
• Tools (jig-saw, sander, drill, car vacuum)
• Push mower
• Kitchen Items
• Household Items (pictures/frames, curtain sheers, vases, decor, etc.)
• Knick-knacks
• Christmas decorations/tree stand

***check back later this week for updated list - we are accepting donations to sell
*POSTPONED ONLY IN CASE OF RAIN --- Raindate 10/23/10*

IF you are donating items and proceeds for the mission trip, you do not need to stay - just drop off.
IF you are selling, you need to price your items and bring a table if needed.
email or FB for address/info/questions

Thanks!

:)

My Bilingual Babies

All my babies are bilingual until they are two years old.

Then they realize that no one else speaks Spanish, so, in their little baby brains, I can actually see them decide to start speaking mostly English.

Kids are SMART.

Peace Baby, at almost two herself, is starting the transition early. So here is a list of some of her favorite baby words in Spanish and English, before she goes all English:

SPANISH

Mamá = Mama
Papi = Dad, daddy
ah-wa = (agua) water
na nuna  = (la luna) the moon
tutú (too-TOO) = baby Spanish for "car" (cars go "toot toot")
tuto (TOO-toh)  = baby Spanish for "hot"
noni (NO-nee) = baby Spanish for "sleepytime, tired"
                          (ie, "vamos a hacer noni?" = let's go sleepy?)
pupo (POO-poh) = belly button
popó (poh-POH) = poopies, poop
                         (ie, "hiciste popó?" = did you go poopies?)
pah-ta = pasta
guau-guau (wow-wow) = dog, puppy
                        (because dogs say "wow wow" in Spanish, not "ruff-ruff")
pipí (pee-PEE) = birdie (because Spanish speaking birdies say
                         "pee-pee", English speaking birdies say  "cheep-cheep")
amen (AH-men) = amen
tah-oh (ciao/chau) = bye


ENGLISH

Mommy
no
hi
ninky = stinky
oh yay = yes
nown = down
ry = rice
eh = egg
chee = cheese
mihw = milk
anum-anum = yummies
beh-oh = bear
bee-yo = video
she-she = Jesus
baw = ball


All my kiddies understand Spanish. Tony has only ever spoken to them in Spanish. Mom and Dad only ever speak Spanish, so they hear it all the time. But Mom speaks English to them (unless I'm mad, or threatening consequences for bad behavior while out in public) :D. So they are audibly bilingual, at least. They can even translate to each other pretty well, also. 

One question we often get asked, though, is, "Why don't your kids speak Spanish?". I always answer what maybe isn't so obvious, "Because I'm American. I speak English at home."

And I'm lazy. Even though I get compliments all the time on my Spanish, people mistakenly think that it should be an easy thing for me to speak to my kids in Spanish. It's really not. Even after 20 years of speaking it fluently, it's just not normal for me. My mother tongue and heart language is English.

I often have to remind people that I am not, in fact, Argentinian. Being tall and fair I have no idea why I continually have to state the obvious. Even in Argentina. But anyway... if I were, in fact, Latin, then, yes, our kids would surely speak fluent Spanish. To help people understand: asking me to speak Spanish to my kids all the time would be like asking Tony to speak English to them all the time. It's just not the the natural thing to do. Besides, when our first was born in Argentina, I was worried he wouldn't learn ENGLISH. So I made it a point to only speak English to him (unless we were out in public and I wanted to "blend" - yeah right, me blend haha) - and the habit stuck. With all of them.

Now, I could choose to speak Spanish to them. But, honestly, I've tried it. Many times. It lasts for about 2 minutes. I'm too tired to exert myself any more than I already do. Ultimately, I trust God. I know that if He has the need for fluent Spanish in His plan for their future, they will learn it. I did. And I was 18 years old before I learned it fluently. It's not that big of a deal. They are half way there already.

And now here we are. On our way to Argentina... Maybe this is what I sensed all along. I knew, deep down, that I could trust God with it. I just knew. What can I say more than that? So, therefore, I take a more relaxed approach with foreign languages in our "homeschool". Because I can. No Rosetta Stone for us (although I hear it is good). Let's just go to the mission field instead. That's easier for me than trying to do Spanish ever day. Seriously.

:D

The Need for NA Missionaries

I have a link on my sidebar for a Free Book on missions. It's excellent. I highly recommend reading it, even if missions isn't your "thing" - the author's personal testimony is just amazing and is guaranteed to encourage your faith.

BUT, I would say that the only weakness of this book, which focuses on the Third World reaching their own for Christ, is something I could not quite articulate myself. The following video message from John Piper does an excellent job clarifying why the age of Western missions is NOT over - why it can not be...




...and another entitled "Keep the Missionaries Home in America?":





Good. Stuff.

:)

Struggling

Sometimes I wonder about myself. I really do. I wonder what is wrong with me. IS there something wrong with me?  I just don't know sometimes...

I was reminded again as I've been perusing Bloggers in Argentina, the "Ex-pats in Buenos Aires" part, that everyone else seems to have a great time in Argentina but me. They LOVE Buenos Aires. I just don't get it. What is wrong with me? I can't stand the place. It's true.

I can't STAND Buenos Aires.

I don't ever want to go there again as long as I live. Seriously. Just the thought of it makes me anxious, and angry, all at the same time - a horrible feeling. My chest has been tight all week. I feel like my heart is in a vice. Memories of being robbed, assaulted, shoot-outs, my baby and I almost being run over by buses, suffering I prefer not to remember - are what comes to mind when I think of the year and a half we lived there. And the three other times I visited, single, then married with children. I never had a good time there. I just didn't. Call me crazy.

So I've been thinking about this. Why? Why me, Lord? Why do I have such a lousy time in BA and all these ex-pats seem to have so much fun and just couldn't imagine living anywhere else? They miss it when they leave.

Not me.

I'd really rather shoot myself in the foot than go there.

But maybe I ask myself the wrong question. Because I don't think there is anything wrong with me. Nothing major. I mean, I've been extremely giving and self-sacrificial in spite of my own personal feelings about the place. When we lived there I was always visiting Tony's family, even by myself when he was at work so my son could have a relationship with them. I am not totally selfish, after all. Do you know what it's like to drag a 30 pound one year old on a bus, a train, and then another bus in 100 degree heat no air conditioning to spend the whole day doing nothing but baby-sitting where you are uncomfortable, only to turn around and do it again, just to get home 12 hours later? Time after time? I dragged my kids halfway across the world five years ago for a whole month so they could see and meet their relatives. I did it for my husband who really wanted us to go. No one has any clue what kind of sacrifice that was for me. It was work. It was not a "vacation" nor was it fun (at least for me). I got my first migraine on that trip.

The other day I was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone and one of the first things she asked me is, "So, are you fat or skinny?". AHHHHH! Who CARES? I said fat. (Although I am not.). Here I'm skinny. But, in the land of anorexia, everyone is fat. I know I will hear about how fat I am. It's a cultural obsession in a country that leads the world in anorexia. Messed. up. Beyond annoying to go all that way to listen to how fat I am and how I need to raise my kids. But don't get me started...

I am learning that there is a place for walking in wisdom and with conditions. Love has limits. Love sets limits. Love says the hard things in spite of the conflict it will cause.

So, I confess I can not go this time. I can not. There is a small, very remote chance that I can. But with conditions. I can only go in wisdom and under certain conditions, with our feet firmly planted in reality. I just don't know if these conditions will and can be met. Big sigh.

So I ask for your prayers. This upcoming trip is quickly falling apart. We can not agree about how to go, where to go, for how long, nor where to stay. I foresee this going on for months. I don't feel it's appropriate to get into details here out of respect. But please pray. All I know is that I can't go to Buenos Aires. I can not. The 12 hour bus trip to Cordoba to visit Tony's Dad is also completely out of the question. It's Bariloche or bust. Which, of course, is not possible. We can not visit Argentina without visiting his family, who live in BA. Therefore, I cannot go. Therefore, we are not going. Basically.

But God is clearly calling us back to Argentina. Following Him to Patagonia is not the issue. At all. Buenoes Aires is the issue. How do we reconcile this? We know He is guiding us to visit, to check it out, to prepare, to get connected in Patagonia. We know it. But going through BA is not possible for me right now with three children. It's just not possible. So what do we do? What to do?? How did we get HERE, at this major impasse in the road?

I know that's vague. I'm sorry. I wish I could be more specific. Please pray. Part of me needs to talk about it, but I don't feel the liberty. The Lord knows. He has called us, He knows the details, He knows the solution. I pray He shows us the way. If He wants us to go and check it out, if this is what He wants, He needs to work out the details, because we are at a stalemate. Tony and I rarely ever fight these days. That's what Christ can do for you. But we can barely talk about this right now. It's CRAZY. I just don't get it. I don't know if I am wrong, I don't know if Tony is wrong, I don't know what is right and what is wrong. Am I just being proud? Unloving? Stubborn? Or is he? I think I know one moment, then I question myself the next.

I can't budge. He won't budge. So here we are. Someone's gotta move. I can not, he will not. The LORD must.

But, maybe that's par for the course. The spiritual opposition has begun. The struggle, the pressing in, the counter-attack, the flesh. I hate this part. I can never do it. I was actually sitting on the couch the other day thinking, "I'm not cut out for THIS. I can't do this. Lord, you got the wrong girl. I am clearly not missionary material. Don't you see? Look. LOOK."

My friend sent me this the other day. A message by Francis Chan. It's exactly where I am at. Exactly. His wife speaks for 4 short minutes (at 9:00 minutes into the video) about what is has cost her to follow Christ. Listen to it. Even just those 4 short minutes. She talks about bearing your own cross and following Jesus, and how truly hard it is. She articulates precisely my struggle. How did my friend know that I needed to hear this? I didn't tell her a thing. But maybe that's the problem. I need to tell. How else can we receive prayer?

Thanks for praying.